s'no more disappointment

i'm sure you're supposed to give up something around easter time?  well, anyway - i've decided to give up being disappointed.  i know this sounds a little melodramatic - but you try spending three months willing spring to arrive, and have your hopes and spirits shattered on a weekly basis with the unexpected, unpredicted, unwelcome arrival of snow.

we're now at the end of march (the very month they said spring will start in), and just last week we were minding our own business, going about our daily routine when BAM!  the biggest, heaviest snowflakes came flitting down out of nowhere ... it was like they just fell from the sky (sorry ... bad joke).

anyhoo, the flakes fell for around 5 hours straight - leaving everything in its path under 15cm of white powder.

in the beginning, the novelty of snow was enough to make Fathead and i wet ourselves with excitement.
now, not so much.

i've found myself tormented by the fact that every time it snows, spring moves its ETA out to yet another later date.  and while snow is pretty and makes all your photos look like postcards - when it melts, it mixes with car-grime and turns to a slushy grey muck.
exhausted trees literally fall out of the mountain side.
it leaves everything wet, and brown.
oh, and the temperatures stay at tourette degrees. 

what, you may wonder, is "tourette degrees"?

well, it's quite simply the name i've given to all temperatures below zero.  these are so cold that when you step outside, you' re suddenly overcome with a bad spell of tourettes - exclaiming words too foul to be uttered infront of children and the elderly.

but i digress ...
this past week, when the snow popped round - something strange happened.  i'm not sure if it was collective cabin fever that drove us all to madness ... but out of nowhere, chaos erupted.

i can't remember how it started, but someone threw a snow ball ...

and the next thing we had built a fort on our balcony and were fielding an attack from the opposite building's roof.

the battlefield expanded to the open-air theater we have on top of rooms, which morphed into a baseball game,

which later saw us sledding down rocky slopes on plastic garbage bags.

by the time we were done, 3 hours had passed and night had fallen.  as we returned to our room to defrost in a piping hot shower, i decided that i needed to see the days of snow as a time to remember, rather than time to wish away.

the snow had given us a spontaneous "bonding session" with our colleagues.  it had halved the average age of the entire group and brought us all down to an equal level of simple playful beings.

it let us collapse in the kind of laughter that comes from your gut and had given us some of the best fun in months, for free.

i was done with being swept away by the false-alarms of spring, which would only set me up in hope and anticipation, and then crush me by plummeting into tourette degrees again.

 
from that moment on, i would just go with the flow, and let spring come whenever it intended to.
so there it is - my commitment to abstain from being disappointed. 

(but just to be safe, i also removed the "snow effect" from the F@head files)

tee hee.

happy snippie snaps

meet the newest member of my day pack - mr cannon d450.  


he was an early birthday present to me, from Fathead and was purchased at this insane electronics market in yongsan. 

well, actually that's not entirely true - you see, we went to yongsan to find the market, but got stuck in the enormous 7-story mall that sits atop the subway station. 

 courtesy of ian lawrence

we had every intention to leave the building and visit the market, i swear we did.  but y'know what Fathead is like with gadgets, and well ... we found this one floor dedicated entirely to cameras, we bounced from stall to stall, negotiating one deal better than the next - and eventually managed to agree on a package and a price (which was less than half of what we would have paid at home).

so now we can capture pics like these:

some might say i'm in my element.

the post for implaceable pics

sometimes you see something that tickles or intrigues you - so you take a photograph, and for years thereafter it sits in your "unsorted" album - with no place to go, no folder to belong to.  you never delete these pics, as they are a reminder of that moment in time ... yet, you seldom share them as they have no real "post-worthiness".

today, i've decided to change this. i dedicate this post to the pics of no place, and to honor them, have invented a new word, too.

let me welcome you to the post for implaceable pics:

just in case you were confused on how to behave in a bar, you can refer to this articulate banner which hangs high and proud in the middle of the vudu bar in gangnam. 

elsewhere in vudu bar, the "bitch is back" graffiti inspired this ridiculous photo

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mcdonald's (the empire of evil) uses the ancient and spiritual culture of the east as a theme for it's mcmarketing.  kind of makes this poster as tasteless as their "food".  

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hair-larious!
a sign outside a salon in gyeongju

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pretty hand-painted motif which you see repeated on all temples

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rubber strip curtains hang outside the parking lots of "love motels" to hide the cars (and their owners) from the street.  these motels are frequented by many married businessmen and they playmates for "out of the office" meetings.

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when we can't face another canteen "meal" we make the trek (three floors down) to this - cooking class by day, communal kitchen by night.  

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this is the back wall of one of the classrooms.  by day we use the broadcasting studio to simulate a newsroom environment - by night, we play ping-pong, get tipsy and use the world map to take silly photographs like this one.

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we see this poster in quite a few bars, and for no other reason than the fact that I love it  - it has a place here.

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however ugly some parts of the city may be, i am always touched by the effort that koreans will make to disguise an eyesore with some form of creative-cover up.

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one of my favorite areas in seoul is itaewon.  there are many reasons to like this part of town, one of these being that there's a more adventurous architectural spirit that is expressed here.  this is the 70's style arch of kitschness that welcomes you to itaewon.  it's an arch i'd like to remember driving under.  so it too gets a place on the list of implaceables. 

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also in itaewon, this building regularly changes it's 3-D on-building accessories.  it's like a giant fridge with interchangeable magnets.  pretty cool.

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another reason to love itaewon is for this hole-in-the-wall:  a turkish take away joint called ankara picnic. they serve "kebabs" which are actually wraps, similar to our shwarma places back home.  you can have lamb, chicken or soft serve ice cream - all for 4,000 won. apparently the due of charming young men who run it started out in a street stall.  now they have a small restaurant complete with an entertainment system which blares turkish-styled electronic remakes of popular tunes.   oh, and it is undoubtedly the most outstanding meal we've had in south korea.

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funky bottle display in wa bar.  oddly enough, we had no idea what the pattern "said", until after i took the photo. 

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 footie looks over the menu outside a restaurant in gangnam.

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it's weird how koreans will leave their laptop outside while they pop into a convenience store, and know with 100% confidence that they can trust everyone outside to leave it be - but they won't trust you with toilet paper.  almost every bar or restaurant you go to has tushy tissue waiting for you at the door, which means that you have to let the entire room know that you intend to go to the toilet, and (based on how much you help yourself to), exactly what you intend to do while you're there.  

this one carries an inspirational message (for those of you who look to your toilet paper for a pick-me-up):
no need to speak: i always felt that the great high privilege. Relif and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing. 

 well there you have it. go forth and pee in peace.

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(for those who don't know - this is Fathead's father's first name). 

i suspect that we were behind a sign that actually read "sugna" but that's not the point now, is it?
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electronic darts, people!

that's right.  

the board is automated with an electronic magnet that holds the dart to the board.  when contact is made, it sends a signal to the animated screen above - which works out which player's turn it is, what your score is, what your next shot needs to be, your average throwing speed, strike rate and other utterly useless stats.

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one of our local hangouts has a pyromaniac bartender.  he likes to burn stuff.  mainly alcohol, which he sprays from his mouth - setting the bar a blaze. 

he's rad.

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footnote graffiti on a lamppost at our bus stop. 

so herein ends our first installment.   i know the pics are random, and at times a little schizo in the way they flowed ... but i did warn you that they were implaceable.

from the foal's mouth

the kid knows his stuff, what can i say?

kids'll do the darndest things

every thursday the parents (of the students, taking part in the week-long camp) attend an afternoon tour of the school.  it stands to reason, then, that every thursday afternoon, we feel a little more pressure to be on top form.  we dress a little more formally ... maybe an extra lick of mascara here, a pair of earrings there.

the parents come to observe how the school works - the different classroom situations, the types of foreign teachers the school has managed to recruit ... basically, to see where their hard-earned money is going and to what extent their little munchkins are benefiting.  fair enough.

we obviously do our best to exhibit only the finest of teaching practices - so it's advised that we don't knock the kids about and light up a joint during these specific hours. 

the classrooms all have glass walls, so on these afternoons we find ourselves being peered at like a rare species of foreigner in an aquarium tank. 

this thursday was one like any other: 
dress nicely - check.
smile a lot and be friendly - check.
get the kids to do some kind of activity that shows how enthusiastic and involved they are - check.

so i'm teaching clinic (which involves expanding the students' english vocab on parts of the body) - and i've got the kids playing this drawing game in which there are two teams, racing against each other to construct a complete drawing of a human body on the whiteboard.  individuals from each team select a random flash card, read aloud the part of the body that is written on the card (eg: "feet") and then run to the board to draw said part.

<enter the parents>

the game is going swimmingly, with the kids showing great excitement and animation.  there are smiles and cheers and the lesson appears to be in the capable hands of this english-speaking creature.

<enter murphy's law>

in the frantic activity of the two teams jumping around, yelling out the answers and running to the board, the teacher turns her back to the drawings and focuses, just for split second, on assisting one munchkin with the correct pronunciation of "belly button".

moments later, as she returns her gaze, her eyes skim across the plethora of engrossed parental stares.  she smiles at them, with the confidence of a teacher who is completely in control of her classroom.   then, following their stares, she turns to find one of the boys completing his own contribution to the human body ... one very large, anatomically-disproportionate rendering of a penis.

aaah ... kids ... they're great aren't they?

classroom comedies

i don't usually post very much about our actual jobs. although we've never taught before, it's become a way of life for us over here. we live at school. we play at school . we eat at school. and yes, we work here too. i guess because it's become so much of our routine, i forget that it's not part of yours, and you may like to hear about it every once in a while.

so i'm going to start off nice and slow. just a little something to test the waters ...

now, on the subject of subjects:
remember yours? maths, science, biology.

well things are a little different in this english camp. last week, for instance, footie made his solo-teaching debut with karaoke classes in the mornings, whilst minx-star taught sign language.

the experience taught them more than they taught the kids, i think - considering footie is tone deaf and minx has never learnt to sign.

this week, Fathead is teaching bank and post office, in which the kids will learn how to address a postcard, how to navigate an english ATM, and how to understand exchange rates and currencies from around the world.

me?
i'm teaching clinic which will hopefully leave the kids with an understanding of the parts of the body, the english vocabulary for the different internal organs and medical-related phrases like
"i have a fat head please take me to the doctor".

the leeum

two and a half months in south korea, and our lives are completely changed.  we've gone from a home with a garden to a single bedroom, from private cars to public transport,  from african sun to asian snowfall.

the changes have been immeasurable and countless - but one significant shift has been the complete absence of stress and cognitive challenge.  no big presentations to a international audience, no conference calls, no tricky negotiations.  while this sounds like heaven, the drawback to being in a constant state of chilled-outness, is that your brain starts to porridge somewhat. 

in time, you begin to feel a little bit thicker than you remember your "former" self.

to shake things up, we decided an injection of culture would probably assist in stretching our minds - so off we went to the leeum - samsung museum of art.

guests to this museum are greeted by two gigantic brass-cast spiders which crouch atop the roof of one of the exhibition halls.  they are frightening in their scale and the knarliness of their texture ... and stunningly impressive for the same reasons.

to give you an idea of scale - i made footie and fathead stand on either end of the larger one (at the back).  the abdomen (which is filled with marble eggs) is roughly my height.

in case you were wondering: yes, he is pretending to be under attack of a man-eating spider. 

(i would assume that this is the effect that giant spider statues have on grown men.  so ladies, should you find yourselves under one of these with your man ... brace yourselves, or bring something to swat them with).

leeum is probably korea's version of the guggenheim or moma.  it was established in 1965, and the building itself is of such exquisite architectural style, that it too belongs in an art museum.   it was so refreshing to be in a building that had been created, rather than just built.  unfortunately most architecture here is seriously lacking in imagination and remains purely functional: 

you want somewhere to put something, so you will need a floor, four walls, a ceiling and a door.  done. 

view from the top of the spiralling stairwell that is the core of the exhibition space

three sections of the building contain different museums - the first devoted to traditional korean artwork, ceramics from ancient dynasties and bronze buddist works.

the second museum houses modern and contemporary works from here and abroad - with an impressive collection of a few well known artists like chuck close, andy warhol, willem de kooning, jean arp, francis bacon and mark rothko.

the third part of the museum is an interactive education centre which draws visitors into the creative process. it was quite a modern and edgey space, and a totally refreshing side of korea - one we've not really seen much of. 

fathead reclines in one of the interactive installations where urban waste and scrap have been used to create spaces that play with light and optical illusion

children who visit the museum are given a 3D image kit, on which they can recreate their favourite piece.  the depth is achieved quite simply with transparent layers (each carrying a particular colour) which are set apart from eachother.

much to our amazement, the basement revealed an entire underground landscape:   indoor corn fields ...

... made you look ... no, this is actually a photographic set ... rather effective though, hey?

the whole world is just awesume

every morning we toggle between CNN and BBC to keep up with the rest of the world, and every morning, we get this song stuck into our heads.

we love it ... hope you do to.

sorry, we're sold out of "entrepreneurship"

at the back end of our holiday last week, we set off to a town called gohan - famous for it's ski resorts.  i had, against my better judgment, been convinced by Fathead to return the slopes for a second round of skiing.

i will remind everyone that this was only the second time that this sportingly-challenged being attempted ski greatness.  

a friend of ours had kindly arranged the trip on our behalf - sorting out accommodation, pricing structures, gear rentals and transport arrangements.  you can imagine how this might be somewhat difficult in a country that basically doesn't speak english - so we were rather relieved to have this schlep taken off our hands!

another sparrow's fart start had us back at the same bus terminal we used to get to gyeongju.

another warm and luxurious bus ride, and soon we were in gohan and checking into the high valley hotel.

loom for 6 please? 

 

shortly after settling in, we headed up to the slope - high 1 ski resort

 

in comparison to the previous resort - high 1 is a monster.  it's slopes are breathtakingly enormous.  they seem to span across entire mountain ranges.  i'd never seen or imagined anything of it's scale. 

the only way to navigate the resort is by using an intricate and highly efficient cable car / ski lift system.  the design seems to have been inspired by that of a subway - as you have to switch cable tracks and catch connecting ski lifts.   

 

the cable cars (for some reason also called "gondolas") are glass all around, and the views from this height are unbelievable.

the "beginners" slope (which our friend insisted was the right one for my level of ski-pertise) was around 2,8km down a mountain.  it was steep, it was winding.  it was full of small people (who's skills far exceeded mine).

around the 8th fall, i had all but given up.  i was frustrated and alone (seen as everyone else, but this stage, had reached the bottom and was happily enjoying lunch).  i took a deep breath and with that, decided i would not let this mountain beat me.  so i summoned my inner hero, had a private pep-talk with myself and bravely rose to my feet once more.

my eyes locked forward with a determined glint so powerful, the trees began to shake in fear.  it was just the mountain and i up there.  no one else. not even the wind dared venture so high.

i adjusted my grip on the poles, positioned my ski's and in a soundless moment, i was gliding down the icy slope with the grace of a raptor in flight. 

then i lost the ability to stop, and collided ski-first, with a large cement barrier.

as i lay in a twisted heap of ski's and poles and legs and feet being pulled in directions nature had not intended for them, the slope broken my spirit.

so i unclipped my ski's, propped them under my arm, and began to limp my 2,5 hr downhill hike from hell.

embarrassed, in pain, tearful and defeated - i eventually arrive at the bottom. 
i had slipped and slid down 2,3km's of steep snow.

my aches and shame were soaked away for an hour in a jimjilbang (korean spa/sauna).  these are fairly common in korea.  they usually have treatments available, as well as relaxation lounges, gyms and sleeping quarters where you can spend the night.  they also have hot pools - ranging in temperatures between 24 and 45 degrees.  the pools are often made from some kind of mineral - jade, red dust clay, gold, marble ... each intended to release, relieve, relax or rejuvenate.

men and women are separated and once inside, everyone is naked. at first it's a little strange (well, for me anyway).  but once you're in the pools, and you're having your back massaged by high speed water jets, and you're helping yourself to the many pamper products they display on offer ... you get over it pretty quickly.

the following morning, my ego was still rather wounded, and like the wuss i can be - i declined to venture onto the slope of death for a second helping of ass-whipping.

instead, i wandered into town to uncover the hidden charms gohan might have. shortly into my explorations, i'd seen pretty much all there is to see in this ski-befok dorpie.

the town's existence revolves entirely around the skiing industry.  the street (yes, there is only one) is lined on both sides with gear rental stores.  each store offers the exact same gear, at the exact same price.  each store will shuttle you to the resort, and will collect the gear from you, at the resort.

so, one might draw the conclusion that this is a rather saturated market.  one might also see an enormous entrepreneurial opportunity for others to offer something different to the guests in the town.

i don't know - maybe a restaurant.  or perhaps a bar.  somewhere that people would go when they are not on the ski slopes.   perhaps, offer them something they might want when on a skiing holiday ... like, umm ... food, or water, or perhaps even coffee.

but no!  the folks in gohan do not appear to think that a tourist on a ski trip might like something warm to drink.  or perhaps something to satiate their hunger.  apparently, the only thing you could possible need when visiting gohan is a snow board, or a set of skis.  that's the final verdict.  okay?

couple dressing

since we've been here, we've heard a lot about "couple dressing".  it is, as it says: couples dress the same as each other.

you may think this is quite sweet.
you may think this it is a rather "cool" trend from a foreign land.

sure, okay.  i hear you ...

i mean, there's not real harm in a couple wearing the same tracksuits to the gym.  i suppose that it could be a pretty cool tradition if couples wore the same golf gear onto the green.  i'll even push it far enough to say that if a couple were on an ice-rink, then i'd be rather okay with them wearing the same shade of spandex.

however, korea takes things to another level.

take this (a valentine's shop-window display);

 

 and no ... this is not "out-of-the-ordinary".  

this is how lingerie is promoted. 

everywhere. 

seriously.  matching lingerie. 

seriously?