who ... moi?

a social butterfly: scared of much, but not of many. never lets the truth get in the way of a good story. not a fan of acronyms, snakes and angelina jolie. a HUGE fan of Fathead.

this blog is black for ENERGY-SAVING reasons.

thanks for your understanding.
if it's too dark, put your glasses on old one.

Friday, November 27, 2009

cell c, for your self-service

the thing that always fascinates me, whenever i deal with the morons who work for cell c, is that the company as a whole still manages to keep its doors open.

it's not just that they have a really annoying marketing campaign with that daft old bird trying to sound sexy whilst she tells you about rica and how excited she is that you've qualified for an upgrade.  it's not just about their kak signal coverage and the fact that i can't receive calls in my own home. no, more than all this - it's about the cell c way.

you see, if you have a problematic phone and it goes in for a software upgrade, the normal way to handle things would be to upgrade said software, give you a call and notify you that your cell phone is back in store, ready for collection.
easy peasy cotton cheesy.

unless, like me, you send it to these mo-fo's, who take over a month to sort it out, don't give you a replacement phone, have you calling them to constantly follow up for status updates - and then when they finally do call you to collect it, they proudly announce that they've "fixed the problem" by simply formatting all your contacts you've collected over the past 10 years, off your SIM card.

that, my friends, is the cell c way.

this morning, i call cape medical plan to give them a month's notice on cancelling my medical aid.  i give my policy number, and immediately am recognised on the system.  hello, yes certainly, here's how, no problem, have a wonderful day.

then i call cell c.

the old bird starts her heavy breathing on the other end of the phone. there are so many blerri options to choose from,  I feel like i've dialed my ID number by the time i'm done.

by now, i've started to feel tearful in frustration, and am carefully constructing the offensive sentiments i'm going to hurl at the poor bugger who eventually takes my call. naturally, when you do get through, it's the wrong department and you're put on hold.

apparently, if you work at cell c, your brain is only programmed to be versed in one part of the business. so for instance, if you work in pay-as-you-go, there is absolutely no way that you can assist someone who would like to change their address details - on the very same system you work with.

hello. cellphone number? ID number? first name? second name? bank? address? please hold, wrong department. 

hello.  thanks for holding. cellphone number? ID number? first name? second name? bank? address? why are you canceling? 
you must pay. 
why do you want this confirmed in writing, we'll probably sms you later when we cancel it. 
no i can't email you. 
can't you just wait?   fine. i have a reference number you can take down.                                   
 (long awkward silences, whilst system is updated).

i was supposed to be constructive today. i have a list of policies to cancel, contracts to end, notices to give. i have a car that needs to go to the AA so i can put it on the market. i have banks and insurance houses to contact.    friday was my sort-out-admin day.  but cell c took all my admin-energy away.  they sucked it out of me like the vampires they are.  no more self-service for me today.  i don't think i can fit another call center into my friday.

the torture shall have to be postponed to monday. think i'm rather going to go sip a tipple on a winefarm, surrounded by good friends, good chunes and hippies serving falafel burgers.

oh, and if you're trying to get hold of me this weekend - and you're greeted with my voicemail - don't stress. i'm in franschhoek, so i won't have any signal.

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